U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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