If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
