I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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