Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
