I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
