were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
