Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
