hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
