Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
