i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
two words...techno handjob
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
