i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
