Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
