And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
