Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
