I hate all girls vehemently.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
