I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
