my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
