I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
bring money and cleavage
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
