Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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