I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
