Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
