yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
