i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
