I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
