I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
