Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
