this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
