Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
