i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
