i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
