so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
