How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
