there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
