I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
