dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
