this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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