You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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