Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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