you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
