Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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