Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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