I want to have your abortion
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
