woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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