I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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