I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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