She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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