If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
