Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
