So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
