And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
