Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
