I hope mine doesn't look like that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
