is your mom at the bar?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
