i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
