she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
