A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
