mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
