I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
