And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
