On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
