Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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