so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
