Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
